THE DEADLY PIT OF UNFORGIVENESS

Text: Matthew 18:21–35 (MSG) Ephesians 4:31–32; Colossians 3:12–13; Mark 11:25–26; Hebrews 12:15

Matthew 18:21–35 (MSG) – ³¹Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
³²And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Colossians 3:12–13 (MSG) – ¹²Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
¹³Bear with one another and forgive one another, just as the Lord has forgiven you.

Mark 11:25–26 (MSG) – And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it’s not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive – only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins.

Hebrews 12:15 (MSG) – Make sure no one gets left out of God’s generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. 

Introduction: Unforgiveness is a deadly pit that must be avoided by every means possible. The consequences are grave and must be avoided. You must personally fight to distance yourself from the circumference of its pit. It may begin with betrayal, disappointment, offence, insult, but if not dealt with, it can metamorphose to bitterness, hatred, resentment, and spiritual bondage. Have you ever heard the word “I can’t forgive him”?

• These are the words of many people who have been deeply hurt, betrayed, disappointed, cheated, humiliated, or abused by someone they trusted.
• Some people have made up their minds never to forgive because of what their husbands or wives did to them.
• Some refuse to forgive their brothers, sisters, friends, fellow church members, pastors, or business partners because of the pain they experienced.

others words like….

• “What he did to me is too painful.”
• “After everything I did for him, he betrayed me!”
• “I will never forgive her for the rest of my life.”
• “I can forgive anybody, but not this particular person.”
• “Until he comes to beg me, I will never forgive him.”
• “Even if he dies, I will never forgive him!”

Beloved, the question is not whether someone has hurt you.

The question is: What will you do with the pain that person has caused you?

• There is no doubt that some offences are extremely painful.

Some betrayals come from people we never expected to hurt us – Psalm 55:12–14 (¹²For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: ¹³But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. ¹⁴We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.

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A pit is a deep hole that can trap a person. Unforgiveness is a spiritual pit: the person who dug it for another may eventually become trapped in it himself……

A. What is unforgiveness?

1. 1. Unforgiveness is a hurtful feeling of bitterness, grudges and withholding or retaining everything others did to you and refusing to forgive them
   2. Unforgiveness is the deliberate decision to hold on to an offense, resentment, anger, or desire for revenge instead of releasing the offender to God.

Let us also consider the meaning of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the decision to release resentment and revenge against someone who has offended us, trusting God to deal justly with the situation.

B. Biblical examples of unforgiveness

1. 1. The unforgiving servant – (Matthew 18:21–35)

A wicked servant who received mercy and pardon for owing enormous debt that was very heavy for him to pay (millions of dollars/ten thousand talents). The same servant immediately tracks down a fellow servant who owes him a tiny fraction of that amount (ten talents), grabs him by the throat, and has him thrown in prison because he cannot pay. When the king who forgave him heard of his wickedness to another servant he revoked his mercy. The king hands him over to be tortured until he pays back every last penny. Jesus uses this to warn that God treats an unforgiving heart the same way. Unforgiveness is a sin that God can’t forgive

2. Jonah’s anger towards Nineveh – (Jonah 3–4)

The people of Nineveh were cruel, violent enemies of Israel.Assyrians were super power who destroyed the Northern kingdom of Israel and deported it’s citizens and took much of Israel’s territories.God tells Jonah to preach a message of warning to those he hate. Instead, Jonah runs away because he knows God is compassionate and will forgive them if they repent and Jonah does not want Neniveh to receive mercy. Jonah sits outside the city in bitter, sulking anger, wishing he were dead, angry that God’s grace is broad enough to cover people he hates.

3. Absalom’s Bitterness and unforgiveness led to the assassination of Amnon – (2 Samuel 9-29)

Amnon pretended to be sick, the father came visiting him and he demanded from the king that Tamar be sent to make food for him to eat. He brutally raped Tamar and sent her out of his house. When Absalom saw Tamar the sister, his anger and pain rose. Absalom nursed a cold, calculated hatred for two full years, saying nothing but plotting revenge. Absalom invites Amnon to a sheep-shearing feast and has him assassinated.

4. Saul’s envy and pursuit of David – (1 Samuel 18–31)

Saul spent years in unforgiveness pursuing David because of jealousy. David killed Goliath who was a major threat to God’s covenant people Israel. The women sang that Saul has slain his thousands, but David his tens of thousands.

This particular acts by the women triggered jealousy and envy that made Saul to harbor an obsessive grudge, believing David is trying to steal his throne. Saul spends years hunting David across the wilderness, tormenting his own mental health, losing the favor of God, and eventually dying a tragic death

5. Jesus Christ: our greatest example of forgiveness

If anybody had a reason to be angry, Jesus did.

He was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, abandoned by many of His followers, falsely accused, mocked, beaten, and crucified.

Yet, even while suffering on the cross, Jesus prayed for those who were responsible for His crucifixion. – Luke 23:34 (KJV) – ³⁴Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots” – If Jesus could extend mercy in the face of the cross, we must seek His grace to forgive those who have wounded us.

C. Dangers of unforgiveness

Unforgiveness hinders our relationship with God – (Matthew 6:14-15 – ¹⁴For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: ¹⁵But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.) When you refuse to forgive, you are deliberately disobeying the command of God. Therefore, you will be disconnected from

Unforgiveness robs us of our peace – (Philippians 4:6–7 – ⁶Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. ⁷And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.)

An unforgiving person may experience:

• Constant anger when remembering the offender.
• Emotional distress over past events.
• Difficulty concentrating.
• Suspicion and resentment in relationships.
• Trouble enjoying the present because of past pain. Genesis 4:3–8

Cain became angry when God accepted Abel’s offering but did not regard his own offering in the same way. Instead of responding rightly to God’s warning, Cain allowed his anger to lead him into murder.

Unforgiveness produces bitterness – (Hebrews 12:15 – ¹⁵Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;)

Bitterness often begins with an offence that is not properly dealt with. As time passes, the hurt may develop into resentment, hatred, suspicion, and a desire for revenge.

How Bitterness Develops:

• Someone offends you.
• You continually think about the offence.
• You begin to resent the offender.
• You interpret other actions through the pain of the original offence.
• Your heart becomes increasingly bitter. Absalom is a case study

2 Samuel 13:22–29 – Unresolved anger can become destructive.

Concealed hatred can influence our decisions.

Do not allow yesterday’s offence to become tomorrow’s bitterness

1. Unforgiveness brings division into the family and the Church.

Churches can be weakened not only by false doctrine but also by unresolved offenses. The same is applicable to families. You may begin to hear the following-
“I will never speak to him again”
“I will never work with her again.”

Soon: People form groups. Gossip begins. Suspicion increases. Fellowship becomes weak. The work of God suffers. Jesus prayed for unity among His people in John 17:21 (²¹That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.) The enemy loves unresolved offenses because they can become seeds of division.

2. Unforgiveness refuses wounds to heal.

A wound that is continually scratched cannot heal properly. Likewise, when we constantly replay an offense in our minds, we keep re-opening the wound.
You begin to hear:
“I remember what he did to me”. Then you remember it again tomorrow. You tell somebody else. You discuss it again. You become angry again. The event may have happened years ago, but emotionally, you keep living in the moment of the offense – Hebrews 12:15 (Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you.)

Bitterness is a root. What is hidden underground eventually produces visible fruit.

3. Unforgiveness imprisons or detains a person.

It hands you over to the devil for severe torment. Jesus said in Matthew 18:34 that the unforgiving servant was delivered to the tormentors. Unforgiveness can torment the mind.

• A person may experience: Constant anger
• Emotional pain, Suspicion, Hatred,
• Loss of peace, difficulty trusting people
• Desire for revenge. R
• Repeated thoughts about the offense.

The tragedy is that the offender may have moved on while the offended person remains imprisoned by the memory. You may be carrying somebody who is no longer carrying you.

4. Unforgiveness can destroy relationships

Unforgiveness can destroy:

• Marriages
• Families
• Friendships
• Churches
• Ministries
• Business relationships.

Sometimes two people are no longer fighting physically, but they have built invisible walls between themselves.

The relationship may be alive physically but dead emotionally. Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

 

D. Solution to unforgiveness

1. 1. Acknowledge the pain or hurt: Name the specific hurt, betrayal, or offense instead of acting like it did not happen. Do not pretend that nothing happened. Bring the pain honestly before God. Allow him to heal you.
   2. Make a conscious choice: Decide to forgive by an act of your will, even when your emotions (such as anger or sadness) have not caught up yet. Forgiveness is not waiting until you “feel” like it.
   3. Surrender the matter to God: Leaving the matter for God will really give you rest of mind

Romans 12:19: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

4. Make a deliberate decision to forgive

Say: “I choose to forgive this person. I release the offense into God’s hands.”

5. Stop feeding the offense – Do not continually replay the incident. Do not make the offense your identity.
6. Pray for the person – Choose to pray for the well-being or spiritual state of the person who wronged you, which shifts your heart posture over time. Jesus said: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them…”— Matthew 5:44
7. Give room for healing – You must give God room to heal your heart. Allow God to heal your heart.
8. Establish appropriate boundaries when necessary. Forgiveness does not require you to remain in an abusive or destructive situation. You can forgive someone and still maintain wise boundaries.

 

Conclusion:

Unforgiveness is a deadly pit because it promises protection but produces imprisonment. The person who refuses to forgive may think:
“I am punishing the person who hurt me.”
But often, the person suffering the most is the one holding the offense. Forgiveness is not weakness. Forgiveness is strength under the control of Christ.

Let go.
Release the offense.
Release the bitterness.
Release the desire for revenge.
Give the matter to God.

You cannot change what happened, but by God’s grace, you can refuse to allow what happened to control the rest of your life.
Ephesians 4:31–32: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

REV EMMANUEL EKEKE