Rev. Dr. A. A. Obe (JP)
March 12, 2023
THE UNHAPPY FAMILY
TOPIC: THE UNHAPPY FAMILY
TEXT: Genesis 18:17-19; Exodus 20:13; Psalm 133:1
Genesis 18:17-19 – And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.
Exodus 20:13 – Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land of the Lord your God is giving you
Psalm 133:1 – How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
A happy family is a family who stays respectfully close & playful, chooses laughter daily and doesn’t sweat the small stuff; they express forgiveness soon, speak kindly about and to each other, and support each other’s big & small moments. They have learned to be better listeners and to admit when we are wrong as quickly as possible, while honoring their own boundaries and needs. A happy family ebbs and flows with life, keeps commitments, seeks balance & integrity, and chooses loving and productive habits. They are loyal to each other & remember that serving others is a high priority.
Strong, happy families create a sense of well being within the family and in each family member. Wellbeing includes a person’s physical, mental, emotional and social health. Strong, happy families encourage and support each other to be optimistic, hopeful and to strive together to achieve individually and as a family.
What to note about happy family:
1. Families are made up of different individuals with different needs and, sometimes, different values and beliefs. Happy families are able to show acceptance of these individual differences by:
a. Accepting the differences,
b. Giving each other space,
c. Respecting each other’s points of view
d. Being able to forgive each other,
e. Each taking on their own responsibilities.
2. Happy families show their affection for each other in a variety of ways, including:
a. Telling family members how they feel about them,
b. Showing their love for each other
c. Considering each other, including each other’s feelings
d. Caring about each other
e. Doing things for each other.
3. Happy families have a genuine commitment to each other, which is shown through:
a. Feeling safe and secure with each other
b. Trusting each other
c. Keeping promises
d. Doing things for the community
e. Having rules.
4. Happy families support and encourage each other by:
a. Looking out for each other
b. Sharing the load
c. Being there for each other
d. Encouraging each other to try new things
e. Taking an active interest in each other’s hobbies.
5. Happy families show their resilience through:
a. Talking things through
b. Changing plans when they need to
c. Learning from the tough times
d. Keeping each other hopeful
e. Pulling together in a crisis
f. Discussing problems.
But the Unhappy families are deferent they are Families that don’t function as well as they could have certain traits in common, including:
1. Unfair power distribution, such as one parent ruling the household
2. Problems with maintaining peaceful conflict negotiation
3. Lack of respect for each other as individuals
4. Not talking or listening to each other
5. Refusing to acknowledge or accept anyone else’s point of view,
6. A tendency to rely on negative forms of communication such as yelling, criticizing or sulking,
7. The use of physical punishment, such as smacking or hitting, as the main form of discipline. (this must be controlled)
Having Understand the above points,
If your family Happiness or relationship is deteriorating because of the above or because of society’s downward moral situation and how modern technology devours time and attention, and you want to restore a good and true family happiness and relationship, you can. It begins, of course, with having God and His revealed morality as the foundation of your life, giving a proper outlook and direction.
Beyond that, let us look at some points that can open rewarding doors to a happy or at least a happier family.
1. Interact with your children:
Do you visit with your children? Do you discuss their thoughts and feelings with them? Do you care enough about your children to share with them your plan for their success in life?
Our children are our future. If you and I want to secure our future, then we must invest in that future. The best investment you and I can make with our children is ourselves — devoting our time and energies to them, caring for them and pointing them toward a bright future.
2. Set a good example.
Action talks, blathering walks—or, as we more commonly hear it, actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap if it’s not accompanied by actions that matter. Children learn right ways faster and better from parents who model good character than from those who merely preach about it.
If you’re a parent, are you expecting something of your child that you’re not living up to yourself? Do you monitor your own behavior, especially the words you use, in front of your child? Do you use foul language or tell dirty jokes in front of your child?
Remember this: Whatever you say or do is precisely what will be imprinted on your child.
Small children look on their parents as “gods” in a sense—seeing them as ultimate authority, as providers, protectors and caregivers, and as their source of learning. Your little ones will follow your example; you are their hero or heroine as they grow up. If you smoke, your child will likely take up the habit. If you do drugs, your child will likely do drugs. If you laugh at or tell jokes that disparage marriage or family relationships, your child will replicate your actions.
3. Watch over and protect your children:
How do some parents watch over their children today? Many children must walk home from school to an empty home, their parents still at work. The kids are on their own, and some parents see nothing wrong with the situation. What if there are sex offenders in the neighborhood? What if there are drug pushers or human traffickers cruising the neighborhood waiting to take advantage of helpless children who have their parents noses buried in their iPhones while texting their friends?
Here’s where knowing the purpose of marriage and families can be very helpful, especially if you happen to be a parent who takes parenting lightly. If a father and mother view their kids as being in the way and they can’t wait until the day they are on their own, then such parents aren’t aware of one of God’s main purposes for marriage—to produce and rear godly children, serving as stewards of God (Malachi 2:15).
God is a family, and He is building His family right here on earth—yes, with you, if you allow it (Hebrews 2:10).
4. Train your children.
We train animals, especially dogs, but we assume we can’t or shouldn’t train our children to do the right things. How strange is that thought? The Bible says that we are to “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4; see also Proverbs 22:6).
When we train our children in the way of God, they in turn will honor us, and when they do, they will be blessed by God. As the Fifth Commandment states: “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you” Deuteronomy 5:16,
5. Love your children unconditionally
Some parents either don’t think about what children are exposed to at school or don’t care. Like the proverbial ostrich that allegedly buries its head in the sand, they ignore the deleterious effects of social media, television and other environmental factors.
God shows that once we’re committed to Him, having surrendered our will to His, He is unconditionally committed to us. Even when we sin or perhaps stray from Him for a while, He never forgets us, and He always works to bring us back to Him (see Luke 15:11-32; Philippians 1:6). God the Father and Jesus Christ are our sterling examples in unconditional love.
Love your children unconditionally; it will pay off big for you and exponentially bigger for them and their children. They will be more apt to follow your example of unconditional love and pass this divine attitude on to their children.
Conclusion: Read this Bible passages on family
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 – And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
Acts 16:31 – And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
1 Corinthians 1:10 – Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.
Proverbs 6:20 – My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother.
1 John 4:20 – If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
Psalm 133:1 – Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
Psalm 103:17-18 – But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children; To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.
Isaiah 49:15-16 – Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.
Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Ephesians 6:4 – And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Exodus 20:12 – Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
1 Timothy 5:8 – But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
Proverbs 17:6 – Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.
Proverbs 17:17 – A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
1 Kings 8:57 – The Lord our God be with us, as he was with our fathers: let him not leave us, nor forsake us.
Proverbs 18:24 – A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
1 John 3:2-3 -Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.
Joshua 24:15 – And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Luke 11:13 – If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
Proverbs 23:24 – The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him.
Proverbs 23:15 – My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine.
Proverbs 10:1 – A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
Matthew 19:18b-19 – Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Proverbs 27:10 – Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.
Rev. Dr. A. A Obe